Cyborg’s Opinion: Robin Hood (Movie Review)

ANTONIUS CYBORG PERITO

Director Ridley Scott remakes the classic tale of how Robin Hood and his merry men came to be. But for fans of those classic and heartwarming “stole from the rich and gave to the poor” tales, I’d like to let you know this is not one of them. All the basics of the story remain in place, but how Robin Hood came to be whom he is was a little shakier this time around.

Our story begins after the Crusades, fought under King Richard. Our main hero, Robin Longstride is introduced and as depicted in a chaotic opening battle sequence, he is a bamf. But he’s a bamf with a kind heart and makes a decision not to kill for the king any longer. He and a group of men (who seem very merry) take off on their own. Things get interesting when King Richard is killed in battle and his brother is then crowned. His brother is a complete bung hole however and sides with villain of the movie, Godfrey. Godfrey becomes the king’s biddie and he is used as a tool to retrieve the taxes that the new king feels he is owed. This leads to the oppression and starvation of the poor commoners of England and this doesn’t sit well with Robin Longstride. At this point everything is very straight forward and on track. Exactly what you would be expecting from an epic hero’s tale. Ok so now he gets pissed and fights the king and gets his way eventually and then we all go home, right? WRONG! And shame on you for thinking it was that easy! No, the plot you actually get is more………………… convoluted. And for those of who struggle multi-syllable words it means “Reeewy Reeewy Compwicated” Sparing all the spoily details all I can do is make a list of all the issues being dealt with at once in this movie. Issue like: Robin’s double identity, The Godfrey side story, The new king’s rule and personal story, The sheriff’s actions, the impending attack from France, the widow and her blind stepfather, the love side story, Robin’s childhood, the clergyman’s secret, the merry men’s actions, England’s civil war, the William Marshal side story and……………… that’s all I seem to remember. Now I’m not saying that you’re going to go this and scratch your head cuz you don’t get it, it’s not complicated in that sense. What I mean is that for a hero’s tale about rebellion there are too many other unnecessary elements to it that weigh it down. And even the end of the movie is a beyond satisfactory wrap up, I feel as though it didn’t need to take 2 and a half hours to get where it was going. I blame this “down time” in the movie on all the extra things going on that had to be addressed. There was literally a good twenty minutes in this movie that was like watching someone play FABLE who refuses to do any of the quests.

Now, here’s what stops you from hating the movie, it’s actually quite good. 200 million dollars was placed into this movie’s budget and I will say that it was money well spent. The epic battle sequences, fantastic locations and stunning cinematography all do a good job of really bringing you into the world that director created. The movie has great dialogue (with the exception of a line that is said one too many times and thus becomes cheesy. I won’t tell you which but it start with “Rise” and ends with “Lions”) and a diverse cast that pulls off the roles it was assigned with compelling accuracy. So the bottom line is, Good movie but not the Robin Hood you were expecting or really even wanted at all. Too much plot and not enough bows and arrows and most of all, the movie had the tendency to drag on a bit.

Now I’ll give you something that you can order online and receive with free shipping in 4-6 weeks, my review in numerical form. Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe gets an 8.8(“Rise and Rise again. Before lambs become lions.” THERE I SAID IT!) out of 10.

This has been Antonius Perito, and this was (drum roll please)………………… Cyborg’s Opinion.