I did it. Again.

I watched every single Super Bowl commercial this year. Yes, all sixty-something of them. Somehow, I decided that participating in the official USA Today Ad Meter ranking was a good idea, too. Instead of crashing after the halftime show, I managed to stay up past 10:30 PM (on a school night) and took notes during each and every advertisement. 

Some ads ruled. Others stank.

Why don’t we start off on a high note, right?

Honorable mentions for my favorite ad of the night go to T-Mobile’s Dolly Parton/Miley Cyrus teamup, Irish Spring’s soap cult, and Toyota’s epic Leslie, Rashida, AND Tommy Lee Jones crossover. But now, let’s officially get into my Top 3!

#3 – Amazon

Real life celebrity couple Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost teamed up in this hilarious spot where they messed around with Alexa. So fun and clever! 

#2 – Meta for Meta Quest

Listen, I hate Mark Zuckerberg and his Meta nonsense, but there was nothing to hate about this ad. The abandoned animatronic dog stole my heart (unlike Kia’s monstrosity) and I actually laughed! 

#1 – CoinBase

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zLsUhOCqyU

You heard it from me. The QR code bouncing around the screen simply was the best Super Bowl LVI commercial by a mile. It captivated me and even got me to scan the QR code, even though I probably should not have done so. So stupid, yet so smart. 

Sadly, CoinBase and its obscure advertisement did not strike a chord with most Ad Meter voters; it got the lowest overall score of 3.8 out of 10. Who really cares? Not me! CoinBase got my only 10 and deserves to join my pantheon filled with the best Big Game ads alongside this deeply unsettling (but effective) one from Nationwide in 2015 and Oatly’s “hit” from last year. 

Now, onto the hot garbage!

Dishonorable mentions are for Wallbox’s lame effort, Gillette’s lousy production design, and Salesforce’s choice to call up resident D-Lister Matthew McConaughey.

0 out of 10 – The Rings of Power

A little off-topic, but I have a thing against The Lord of the Rings franchise since my 7th grade English teacher tried forcing me to read The Hobbit, but I could only tolerate 20ish pages before throwing it on her desk. This show seems so unnecessary and tries too hard to look impressive. Pass! 

-10 out of 10 – Polestar

No substance. No style. No silliness. Just boring text and, well, nothing else. 

THE WORST OF THE WORST – Uber Eats

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri-rXPw5Cnk

Yikes! The “Oh No” song from TikTok meets Mr. Super Annoying (Trevor Noah) and Ms. Goop Shmoop (Gwyneth Paltrow). Painfully uncomfortable and messed up. THIS is what they went for after last year’s masterpiece featuring Wayne’s World?!?! Wowsers… 

That’s all for this year! Plus, it’s almost time for my annual roast of the Oscars, so be prepared!